Addicts who are twelve step programs often find that they are counseled to avoid getting into any relationships while they are getting help for their substance abuse. They are told that they should not develop a relationship with someone else until they can first handle the responsibility of their part of that relationship. First, though, they must be able to handle the responsibility of taking care of themselves and having a normal life in that direction, too.
To begin with, the addict is instructed to wait until they feel like they can take on responsibility besides their own care. When they feel like they are ready for the next step, they are counseled that they should get a plant.
If they are able to keep the plant alive for six months, then they can move on to a pet.
If they can properly take care of a pet from six to twelve months, then they are counseled that they can begin to work on their relationships with humans. When they can hold down a friendship, then they can work on starting to date. If, after dating someone who is emotionally healthy for six months, they feel like they can hold down a relationship, then they are told that they can be in a romantic relationship for a year or so before they commit to anything more.
Since addicts are notorious for jumping in and out of relationships and for treating people much like they would treat themselves (which is not healthy or positive in any way), they are continuously counseled to take care of their own ability to cope with life before they bring in outsiders which can be hurt by their addictive and abusive behavior.
Slow and steady wins the race.
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